This is for the my daughter's by birth and those that I have aquired along the way through my own kids..
Hello ladies
Right now my heart is heavy with concern for you ladies. I have seen a side of 2 young ladies that scared me. I don't know why as beautiful a you are that you have just settled for men who don't value or desrve you. When I look at you I see myself in you over 25 yrss ago. Although I don't think I ever had a self esteem problem, nor do you. I fell for the same type of men who told me I was beautiful and sexy, only to find out with most of them it was all about sex, and control. Since there was no positive example of a good relationship around me I did what I thought was right. I tried to let a man take control of the family until the lights got turned off and then I knew I didn't want to live like that, so I paid the bills. Yet still allowing him to be the head of the house. For the most part everything was okay until the signs of abuse started to appear that now in hindsight I wish I had seen. Jealousy is never a sign of love, trying to keep you away from your family and friends is another sign, all of which was going on at the time. Then came the sign a slap in the face. I was in shock that someone who claimed to loved me could do that to me. I shook it off and like all women I didn't think he would do it again. Well I was wrong because it did happen over and over again, and as I have told you all your life this was the man who taught me how to fight back. I did; I went back to school to get a career that would allow me the ability to take care of my children.
Plan B.. That is what I tried to drum into your head in all aspects of you life, you always need a plan B. I finished school and I fought almost everyday but I made it, for every pucnh he threw and for every slap he administered he got it right back. When the last fight happened I knew that was it, it was time to put plan B in motion. I moved away to start new. Although the abuse stopped it left me in a position of thinking with every relationship I had to be in control, and for the most part I was. I had the money and the home and when I could afford it the car.
I have made many mstakes with men but the one thing that remained constant was my control, never put yourself in a position to be put out of anywhere, dont settle for a man who can not help you when there are children involved. If he can support your dreams or hold you up when you feel like the world is crashing in on you, or dry your tears when you just have to let the tear flow, then that is not the man for you.
I look at you girls and I just want the best for you always, yes I am much more calmer now than I was 25 years ago, hell even just 10 years ago. I had to figure out what I wanted in life and what kind of man is good for me, and until God places that person in your life you have to be able to love yourself and be comfortable with being alone, remember alone does not mean lonely. With every bad relationship you go through take something from it and store it the good and the bad but only use the bad to not repeat that same mistake. Never make a new love accountable for what the wrong man did to you. You can use me as an example I have always shared my past with you guys o you know I am not the one to judge or tell you what to do, because like my mother always told me and your aunties " when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will know what to do" and she was right. All Iask is that you find your peace and make your own happiness. Command your respect without making these men feel less than a man, it will be hard but you will never be happy in your relationship making him feel bad....
This is my letter to all my daughters. Maintain you respect for yourself and know that I am here for you and I understand because I've been where you are. It does get better you just have to put yorself first.
I love you all very much and for my own daughters you know what we always say.." you are Walker women, built FORD TOUGH"
LOVE YOU MUCH
MOM
Thanks, "Mom" for sharing and being an example...for not giving up and being my relationship mentor as of late. I love this as abuse does come in many forms and no form is less painful than another. While physical may leave scars or put you in a grave, mental/emotional leaves scars unseen therefore less understood, and can have you as the "walking dead" spiritually. Either way, you've been robbed of precious life and it's unfair to the assaulted and disregarding of our true Creator. God bless you, and again thank you.
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