Last weekend I took a road alone to NC, and as I was driving I had 7 hours to reflect and think about quite a few things that have happened in the past few months. One being this thing called dating. I for the life of me can not and probably will not ever understand the mind of a man who says he wants a strong and independent woman but when he meets her, he doesn't act like a man who appreciates her strengths. As an independent woman I do not want a man who thinks it's okay to start every conversation with me about sex. Just because we have our own stuff and making our own money does not by no means, give you the okay to think that all we need or want is sex. what part of dating don't you get. We want to be courted with a purpose.
While I was driving I was thinking about the people I've met and while they are all very different, they did have some things in common. It's just a shame that the men I respected most for their honesty were the men I met in another state. You have my respect when you travel on Thanksgiving to meet someone in person that you've only spoken to on the phone. That was a fun holiday and we still talk almost every day in one way or another. As I was driving I was also reflecting on my trip to Maryland last summer to meet someone I had only spoken to on the phone, that too was a wonderful and comfortable trip. spending time with a man that I felt like I have known for more than a year. Both men very busy with their lives as I am never once felt ignored nor did they not let me know that I was in their thoughts. Good morning messages almost every day a phone call to say Hi.
Now when I think about Cleveland and this is not all men just the ones I've met and dealt with. they were nice and the first dates were good, but after that they stopped wanting to date and just jump right into a relationship. I know it's been a while since I've been in a long term relationship, but last time I checked one date does not make a relationship. So as I'm driving I'm wondering to myself will I ever really find that person that is meant for me. Have I gotten so used to being by myself that it doesn't matter anymore. My next career change is my priority, my relocation plans are my priority, school is definitely my priority so I ask is there really a man out there who is ready to support my dreams? I hope so because if there is one thing that I do know is that men and women were not put on this earth to be alone.
I made that drive alone and although I have traveled by myself making that drive has given me a new since of independence. The only thing I haven't done alone is go out to dinner. I went to the movies which I do often, I will be attending my nephews wedding without a date and attending the Whispers concert alone. I have learned to do a lot by myself over the years because if I wait on someone to go with me I will never get there. So when I ask someone to attend an event with me and I get an answer of maybe or let me see, or they wait until the day comes and have an excuse. Red flag goes up, and I won't ask again.
I am at peace with my life and I love how I'm living. Yes I would love to spend my time and the rest of my life with someone special who makes me happy and vice versa, but if it doesn't happen I'm okay with that too. I will not sacrifice my wants anymore. These are just some of the things I was reflecting on while making a 7 hour drive to my soon to be next home......
UNTIL NEXT TIME
ME......
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
TRUE LOVE..... FINALLY REALIZING IT!!!!!
True love, soul mates forever lover does it really exit? Why do we spend a lifetime searching for something that most of the time was right in front our face.
September 1977 English class when I asked him when did he know that I was the one for him this is what he tells me. Although at the time I was going with someone else. Now if you ask me my version would go like this. May 1977 he was at home sick, a classmate of mine was liking him at the time. I was still in a relationship with someone so going with her to see him was no problem since we were just friends in the same english class. So me and one of my sisters go with her to see him and just hang out. He's at home alone and doing better. So we all decide that we would get a bottle of wine and just kick it at his house. Since we all didn't need to leave I stayed while they went to the store. We were coming down the stairs of his 3rd floor room and I don't know how or why it happened, I wasn't expecting it but I was in front of him when I turned around he kissed me, and in that moment is when I really felt what butterflies in the stomach felt like. Just one kiss set us on a path of friendship, love, pain, forgiveness, lives and children with other people. We were each others affairs not caring about our partners. Just needing to be with each with no regrets. As Maya Angelou say in a beautiful poem we have loved each other in and out of time. We as people are so afraid of hurt that we let the one who really loves us get away, because we know that one person is the only one who will cause us the most pain.
We say that great relationships are built on strong friendships, well we have that 36 yrs and everything that has happened in our lives good or bad we've shared with each other. every place he's been stationed I had access to always being able to reach him if needed. When you can pick up on feelings over the phone just from the tone of a conversation you have a real connection. While there are some family and friends who will never understand our love for each other or why it's spanned 36 yrs, it is not for you to understand only that in this life you have to do what makes you happy with who you feel makes you happy. Though I am by far perfect I am a good person and a great friend to those who know me. And for those who know this story and there are a few people who know this is really the kind of friendship and relationship that great love stories are made of. When I ask myself if something were to happen to me who would really be there to take care of me and only one person comes to mind. After a conversation that we had several weeks ago we have come to the realization that there is no one out here in this dating pool who will love and understand us like we understand each other. Will this work the 2nd time around I think so, we are now willing to put in the time to make it work. Life is too short and we are going to live it to the fullest with what ever time we have left.
In essence I am saying live your authentic life with the one you love, your life is your life. your relationship is your relationship it does not have to be a carbon copy of what society or anyone else says it has to be. You may have to let go of the negative people around you, but so be it. Love who you want to love, marry who you want to marry.
JUST BE HAPPY......
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done"
LOVE AS ALWAYS,,,,,,
ME
September 1977 English class when I asked him when did he know that I was the one for him this is what he tells me. Although at the time I was going with someone else. Now if you ask me my version would go like this. May 1977 he was at home sick, a classmate of mine was liking him at the time. I was still in a relationship with someone so going with her to see him was no problem since we were just friends in the same english class. So me and one of my sisters go with her to see him and just hang out. He's at home alone and doing better. So we all decide that we would get a bottle of wine and just kick it at his house. Since we all didn't need to leave I stayed while they went to the store. We were coming down the stairs of his 3rd floor room and I don't know how or why it happened, I wasn't expecting it but I was in front of him when I turned around he kissed me, and in that moment is when I really felt what butterflies in the stomach felt like. Just one kiss set us on a path of friendship, love, pain, forgiveness, lives and children with other people. We were each others affairs not caring about our partners. Just needing to be with each with no regrets. As Maya Angelou say in a beautiful poem we have loved each other in and out of time. We as people are so afraid of hurt that we let the one who really loves us get away, because we know that one person is the only one who will cause us the most pain.
We say that great relationships are built on strong friendships, well we have that 36 yrs and everything that has happened in our lives good or bad we've shared with each other. every place he's been stationed I had access to always being able to reach him if needed. When you can pick up on feelings over the phone just from the tone of a conversation you have a real connection. While there are some family and friends who will never understand our love for each other or why it's spanned 36 yrs, it is not for you to understand only that in this life you have to do what makes you happy with who you feel makes you happy. Though I am by far perfect I am a good person and a great friend to those who know me. And for those who know this story and there are a few people who know this is really the kind of friendship and relationship that great love stories are made of. When I ask myself if something were to happen to me who would really be there to take care of me and only one person comes to mind. After a conversation that we had several weeks ago we have come to the realization that there is no one out here in this dating pool who will love and understand us like we understand each other. Will this work the 2nd time around I think so, we are now willing to put in the time to make it work. Life is too short and we are going to live it to the fullest with what ever time we have left.
In essence I am saying live your authentic life with the one you love, your life is your life. your relationship is your relationship it does not have to be a carbon copy of what society or anyone else says it has to be. You may have to let go of the negative people around you, but so be it. Love who you want to love, marry who you want to marry.
JUST BE HAPPY......
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done"
LOVE AS ALWAYS,,,,,,
ME
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
LETTING GO AND MOVING ON............
Sometimes this can be the hardest thing to do. Why do we hang on to freindships and relationships that we know are toxic to our being? I know why because we're afraid of change and we're afraid of being forgotten by the other person so we put up with mess and disrespect. We as women have learn our wealth at an early age. We are so much better than the situations we put ourselves in. Yes you want to love that man but does that man really want to love you? You have to love yourself first, put your needs first and your dreams. You don't have to give up your dreams to support his, and if he does not support yours or even wants too it's time to move on. Do not give your life to a selfish man and that's what it is selfish.
When you learn to let go of the zero's in your life you will find that all kind of opportunities will open for you. It may be a new relationship or a new job, but you will never know as long as you continue to surround yourself with negative people.
People often ask me why I do the things I do and how I got to this place in my life? It wasn't an easy journey but I have to say that I learned to let go of negative people, I took several years off from being in a relationship and a year off from having sex. This showed me that Vanessa you can do this. You can live alone and you can be single and you know what my little voice was right. My last serious relationship ended in 2003, and that was the straw that broke the camels back and made me step back and look at men differently and look at what it was that I wanted from them for me. 9 years! it took 9 years to find that peace. Don't get me wrong my happiness stearted showing itself when I turned 50 and it just got better from there, Yes I missed being in a relationship and having regular sex, but when I looked at the couples around me I said thank you god that is not me anymore.
Now as I move into the next phase of my life with all of my children doing their own thing and me staying out of their business unless I am asked. Which if anyone knows me now you really don't want to hear it, because I do speak the truth and sometimes the truth does hurt, but you learn from it. I have in the past year helped a few women come to terms with their knowing and embracing their self worth. Preaching to them as well as my own children about having a plan "B" when plan A doesn't work.I live my life with a plan "B" and it has worked for me.
So my letting go and moving on was letting go of my hair, which I never thought I would do by cutting it and I love it. Yes people were shocked but they liked the change and what's important is that I like it and I feel good. I also had to let go of the thought that some people just don't view long term friendships the same way I do. I have always said that I only have 2 real female friends and they are my real friends I love them alot., but maybe it's different for men when they get a girlfriend They start acting funny and only call when it is convient for them but I don't change my ways toward them if you are a close friend of mine I have always made my new love aware that my best friend is a man and that he knows about him. Last year my eyes were opened to a whole side of him that I knew was there when he meets a new female but I kept overlooking and accepting, not anymore yes I love him he is my friend always will be, been friends for over 35 years.
2013 better me physical and mental building muscles for the summer and I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone and out of my box. Top of my bucket list is to do a nude spread, This is something I have been thinking about for a while and I'm going to do it.
I feel alot of love in the coming months and positive changes with positive people surrounding me.
If you have to reboot your life, change your environment, let go of old friends, family and ex's that do not bring a positive attitude to your space. It's all about you, to change your life you have to change the way you think!
Til Next Time
In the words of my friend "this is my story and I'm sticking to it"
V
When you learn to let go of the zero's in your life you will find that all kind of opportunities will open for you. It may be a new relationship or a new job, but you will never know as long as you continue to surround yourself with negative people.
People often ask me why I do the things I do and how I got to this place in my life? It wasn't an easy journey but I have to say that I learned to let go of negative people, I took several years off from being in a relationship and a year off from having sex. This showed me that Vanessa you can do this. You can live alone and you can be single and you know what my little voice was right. My last serious relationship ended in 2003, and that was the straw that broke the camels back and made me step back and look at men differently and look at what it was that I wanted from them for me. 9 years! it took 9 years to find that peace. Don't get me wrong my happiness stearted showing itself when I turned 50 and it just got better from there, Yes I missed being in a relationship and having regular sex, but when I looked at the couples around me I said thank you god that is not me anymore.
Now as I move into the next phase of my life with all of my children doing their own thing and me staying out of their business unless I am asked. Which if anyone knows me now you really don't want to hear it, because I do speak the truth and sometimes the truth does hurt, but you learn from it. I have in the past year helped a few women come to terms with their knowing and embracing their self worth. Preaching to them as well as my own children about having a plan "B" when plan A doesn't work.I live my life with a plan "B" and it has worked for me.
So my letting go and moving on was letting go of my hair, which I never thought I would do by cutting it and I love it. Yes people were shocked but they liked the change and what's important is that I like it and I feel good. I also had to let go of the thought that some people just don't view long term friendships the same way I do. I have always said that I only have 2 real female friends and they are my real friends I love them alot., but maybe it's different for men when they get a girlfriend They start acting funny and only call when it is convient for them but I don't change my ways toward them if you are a close friend of mine I have always made my new love aware that my best friend is a man and that he knows about him. Last year my eyes were opened to a whole side of him that I knew was there when he meets a new female but I kept overlooking and accepting, not anymore yes I love him he is my friend always will be, been friends for over 35 years.
2013 better me physical and mental building muscles for the summer and I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone and out of my box. Top of my bucket list is to do a nude spread, This is something I have been thinking about for a while and I'm going to do it.
I feel alot of love in the coming months and positive changes with positive people surrounding me.
If you have to reboot your life, change your environment, let go of old friends, family and ex's that do not bring a positive attitude to your space. It's all about you, to change your life you have to change the way you think!
Til Next Time
In the words of my friend "this is my story and I'm sticking to it"
V
RINGING OUT THE OLD TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW......
2012 What can I say? I have no complaints nor do I have any regrets. The past year was a very productive and happy year for me. I got a chance to meet some very nice people while also finally coming to a realization about the friendship of others.
I have learned this year that I have really grown and changed as I have gotten older. The things that would have set me off so very easily in the past, I have learned to let go of. This year I got a chance to spend more time with my grandchildren. I took the summer off from school to enjoy the summer. althuogh I didn't get a chance to do much traveling I did make one trip happen. I went to meet a man that I absolutely adore. He was everything that I imagined he would be the perfect southern gentleman. My visit with him was as comfortable with him as if we actually lived in the same city. Just an easy breezy weekend.
Well here we are over a year later celebrated one year in November and it's just getting better, although we don't talk everyday because of our schedules it's nothing for either of us to send the other a thoughtful message.
2012 also afforded me the opportunity to meet someone who took a chance and drove to Cleveland to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family. My daughter told me I must be special for someone to travel on Thanksgiving to see me. My response was with a laugh I am! He fit right in with my family and we had a nice time for the 2 days he was here. I can safely say I appreciate that he took time to come see me.
I never thought I would be okay with a long distance relationship but it is working right now, because for me absence does make the heart grow fonder. If not for anything else I have 2 great places to visit Chicago and Maryland both are beautiful.
I guess after all these years my cousin was right about dating older men, the conversation is different and they have their own life and success, and it actually gives us something to talk about. The 2 of these guys are very different and it is those diffences that I like, although Maryland is the man that I adore, Chicago understood when I told him that I was seeing someone that lived in another state. I am looking forward to spending time with both of them in 2013, who knows what this year will bring but for me I see positive things happening and continued happiness. The new year started out great I went out for the first time in 9 years, I got a chance to dress up and look cute, and I must say I was looking great, 30 days of squats and they paid off, I got a chance to enjoy the company of a very nice young man who was very attentive.
So like I said at the top of this post 2012 has been good me and I hopt to meet more interesting people and not lose touch with anymore friends that I thought were close. Being in a relationship should not change your friendships with those who have been in your corner when no one else was.
I am wishing everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR and much happiness, and may the new year bring each and every one of my friends old and new the love and happiness that you all deserve.
IF LOVE FOUND ME IT WILL SURELY FIND YOU.... LEDESI.....
TIL NEXT TIME
V
I have learned this year that I have really grown and changed as I have gotten older. The things that would have set me off so very easily in the past, I have learned to let go of. This year I got a chance to spend more time with my grandchildren. I took the summer off from school to enjoy the summer. althuogh I didn't get a chance to do much traveling I did make one trip happen. I went to meet a man that I absolutely adore. He was everything that I imagined he would be the perfect southern gentleman. My visit with him was as comfortable with him as if we actually lived in the same city. Just an easy breezy weekend.
Well here we are over a year later celebrated one year in November and it's just getting better, although we don't talk everyday because of our schedules it's nothing for either of us to send the other a thoughtful message.
2012 also afforded me the opportunity to meet someone who took a chance and drove to Cleveland to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family. My daughter told me I must be special for someone to travel on Thanksgiving to see me. My response was with a laugh I am! He fit right in with my family and we had a nice time for the 2 days he was here. I can safely say I appreciate that he took time to come see me.
I never thought I would be okay with a long distance relationship but it is working right now, because for me absence does make the heart grow fonder. If not for anything else I have 2 great places to visit Chicago and Maryland both are beautiful.
I guess after all these years my cousin was right about dating older men, the conversation is different and they have their own life and success, and it actually gives us something to talk about. The 2 of these guys are very different and it is those diffences that I like, although Maryland is the man that I adore, Chicago understood when I told him that I was seeing someone that lived in another state. I am looking forward to spending time with both of them in 2013, who knows what this year will bring but for me I see positive things happening and continued happiness. The new year started out great I went out for the first time in 9 years, I got a chance to dress up and look cute, and I must say I was looking great, 30 days of squats and they paid off, I got a chance to enjoy the company of a very nice young man who was very attentive.
So like I said at the top of this post 2012 has been good me and I hopt to meet more interesting people and not lose touch with anymore friends that I thought were close. Being in a relationship should not change your friendships with those who have been in your corner when no one else was.
I am wishing everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR and much happiness, and may the new year bring each and every one of my friends old and new the love and happiness that you all deserve.
IF LOVE FOUND ME IT WILL SURELY FIND YOU.... LEDESI.....
TIL NEXT TIME
V
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