I thought I knew, I guess I actually thought I had it. I think you only get 1 shot at a true love maybe 2. Jack now that man I loved him because he loved me back, and showed me so much about life, the first man to show me what making love felt like vs. just having sex. We had so much fun together before it all went wrong with the violence. How could someone who loves you try to hurt you like that? He did and I fought back for my children. I think that is when I started changing, but I never gave up on finding real love. I have loved a lot of people each in their own way but the one person who I thought would love me forever let me down again. Is he the man I thought he was all these years? no he's not, he was suppose to be my best friend and has been for 35 years. Where is he now? As soon as I told him what happened the first thing that came out of his mouth was I can move to Texas, what happened to him moving back to cleveland? here we go, i'm suppose to follow him to Texas, I Don't think so. So where is the help, haven't heard from him either.
Melvin now there was a tall sexy man, we had a special kind of love, we did couple things rides in the country in his mother's corvet, out door concert at cain park, just hanging out. When he got sick and paassed away it was the worst day, I felt it just hours before he died, the aniversary of his death is coming up, it is so hard to believe that he has been gone 11 years. I still have my memories good and bad but the one memory that we all have is our "Melvin Xmas" it was the best. I still miss him and I think about him a lot. He is in a better place and I know he is watching over me and hopefully guiding me in the right direction for a mate..
Now we come to Jeff he is the closest thing to Melvin this man, what can I say we started out in a very unusal way, he gave me something orally that I had not ever felt before, talk about good yes it was, and then the actual act of having sex holding like fort knox, we have a spark about us that no one will understand, even after 8 years it's still there. I watched this man that I had fallen in love with marry someone else, continued to have a relationship with him until I stopped it. Now he's divorced and he has said numerous times that we should try and get together, but I was afraid with my in securities and trust issues. I have been through some things with him too that he didn't trust anybody else with. He has a bond with my kids and we can talk about everything.
Well he buried his mother Tuesday and it hurt my heart to see him having to try and be strong for his family, he has to now look out for his father, 51 years that is how long his parents had been married. That is what I always wanted. I don't know if Jeff is the one but right now he is the only man who really gets me. who understands me, and who knows me. He has seen me at my best and my worst. So now I have to be there for him. I am looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend just like the hold days, who knows what is in store for us, all I know is that now I'm ready to find out.
Til next time.......
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Is there something to a birthday?
I think I can safely say that there is, Yet again I met someone who I thought would have been the right fit for me, we talked for a long time before we ever met, and we seemed to have the same interest, want the same things out of a relationship. Well I was wrong, I did something for him for his birthday and he was really suprised. We had the most intimate night that I have ever experienced without having sex. It was nice, but since then something has changed. I haven't seen him since then, he sent me a message about his aunt passing, and that he was going through something that he was struggling with. He keeps telling me that he wants to talk to me in person but really how hard is it for you to talk when you have someone who is willing to stand by you. It's not unless you were not truthful from the start, I always seem to attract men who say that they want a relationship and that they want a strong black woman, but when it really comes down to it they don't know what they want. I am so tired of hearing you are such a sweet woman, you are very patient person. Yes all of this is true I am all of that and more, it is just a shame that it's usually after the relationship is over and we have gone into friend phase that they realize they messed up. I have so many friends what I need now is a life partner someone I can spend my life with and do the things couples do. September I don't want to date another man who's birthday is between the 1st and 15th, it does not work for me, this has been more than 3 strikes. I do not need one more person telling me they have issues that they have to work through, as a friend I can help but as a girlfriend and someone that you wanted to meet that is asking too much. Men really do need to fix and figure out what they want and be totally honest when they approach a female that they think may be their life partner. We deserve the truth whatever it is.
Til next time......
Til next time......
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