Mental illness is real

 Good evening My Friends

It's been a long time since I have written anything here and it is not that I haven't had quite a bit on my mind but some things you just try to handle and deal with on your own. Of course, you all know that in the past week and even this year we have heard a lot of stories of deaths due to suicide. Quite a few of them have been celebrities. With the latest being a young 40-year-old man who appeared to happy with his life, family and career. We ask ourselves, why would he do something like that to his family and his children?

Well, for someone that works in the healthcare industry and at times I have talked to people who say they are depressed which now I can see why this is a big thing. In the past when we used to say to our family or friends " I am depressed today, it was because we were having a bad day at work, family or simply anything that may not have gone right that day" Well I am here to tell you I am one of those people who wonders why people are so easily claiming this title of depression. I don't believe that you have to take a pill for everything because to me sometimes that makes things worse. If you have someone to talk to that is wonderful but so many of us do not have that support system of people who will listen without judgement or make comments on your situation. It is also really hard to talk to someone who hasn't gone through your particular situation.

I would like to think that in my lifetime I was able to help someone by sharing my life experiences and some of the things that I went through and sometimes still feel like I'm going through. When you get to a point where you feel like why me? why do I feel like I have to keep starting over? why do you continue to try and do the right thing and you still feel as if you are always struggling to achieve your dreams?

I am no different from any of you out there who have spent time in your car crying and then get out and move on with your day, I have been in the bathroom in tears because things are not the way I would like them to be, this time of the year is hard for a lot of people. You try not to fall into a funk but sometimes that is exactly what you do. You have to make yourself get out of bed and do one thing that you enjoy. I for one thank God for face time and video chatting. Yesterday was a bad day I was in tears almost the entire day because of the things going wrong right now. It is true when it rains it pours, you know it is bad when you feel like your life is a Tyler Perry movie, but in his movies, there is a happy ending. 

This time of the year I would like my life to become a lifetime Christmas miracle. Please check on your friends and don't disregard someone else's problems because your life is okay, I always tell my co-workers every day, you never know what someone is going through in their life, we all look good on the outside but inside we may be going through somethings. Just try to be a nonjudgmental shoulder that the person who may be thinking of doing something to themselves can lean on.

Peace and love to you all this has been a relief for me as well, I hope this helps someone. I will return to blogging when there is something on my mind to share.

love you all

Miss V

THAT'S NOT HOW LOVE GOES.......

friend #1:Girl my man is with me all the time, he says he loves me and that I am all he needs, we spend all of our time together.
friend #2:Well girlfriend can you break yourself away from him to go to the mall with me for a few hours.
friend #1: let me see, I'm sure it will be okay.
friend #2: well what did he say, can you go?
friend #1: girl I can't go because he said we have something to do.
To all my sisters, friends, daughters do you recognize this statement, or " no you can't go, for what so you can pick up men". one of the first signs of abuse. As a young woman when you think you're in love you do not see any of this as abuse, we just think of it as physical fighting. Well it's not and once you've been through it and survive you realize that you saw the signs all along and ignored them, you passed them off as caring about you, or he loves me. Well let me tell you that it most certainly is not love.
When your mate starts to change your relationship with your family and friends by alienation, or he starts to put you down and make you feel worthless and bad about yourself where you stop doing things for you, sign of potential abuser, snatching and grabbing on someone, sign of potential abuser, next comes what he calls a harmless slap because you said something wrong or you looked at someone too long, that's the beginning of the end of that relationship. you don't feel comfortable telling anyone because you are ashamed that you let it happen, you say to yourself " he's not going to do it again, while everyone else says if he hits you once he'll do it again." Well he did it again and again and again. Now you are sad, unhappy, and angry, you don't know how to fight back. Well in the 80's it was the burning bed, it gave a lot of us something to think about while he lay so comfortable in bed thinking you won't do anything, but in the back of your mind you want to kill him..
No you don't do that, you instead make yourself an escape plan, you go back to school. as step one you had to be able to support yourself, step two you fight back no matter what it takes until you can work your plan and then leave. Once you start to fight back you feel better about yourself. Long story short everything worked out and although the breakup and exit was still violent, you took control of your life and your situation, you were no longer the victim but the survivor.
Now you can tell your story to other women who feel like they are stuck in a bad relationship, no you are not. Get yourself a plan and work it, if you have never been in this situation stop telling your friends, sisters, or daughters to just leave because it is not as easy as it sounds, although you have more resources now than you did in the 70's and 80's. and I am also seeing a rise in younger abuse among teenagers, teenage love comes and goes, don't subject yourself to this type of behavior. You are worthy of love from someone who will not try to control you but yet they will encourage you to be your best. You should not have to go into the witness protection program to breakup with an abusive mate. Also do not let anyone make you think that you have a problem because you are a survivor of abuse and yes you may have trust issues, that is why you need to really take some time out to start loving yourself, when you do that you will start looking at everyone differently, you start to learn what you want for yourself, and you should not accept anything less that. You are beautiful and you do not need to be in an abusive relationship to know that.
So for all of you going through some things get yourself a plan and work, pray for yourself, and find someone to talk to, there are resources out here to help you, and if you are a female who has just gotten out of this type of relationship, get some help before you see yourself taking on the role of abuser which often happens. No new mate should have to pay for what someone else did.
when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when it's over.
this is in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, to all my sisters, and friends who have been through it and those who are trying to get out.
We are not victims, we are survivors...
Vanessa

REFLECTIONS: What do we really want?

   Last weekend I took a road alone to NC, and as I was driving I had 7 hours to reflect and think about quite a few things that have happened in the past few months. One being this thing called dating. I for the life of me can not and probably will not ever understand the mind of a man who says he wants a strong and independent woman but when he meets her, he doesn't act like a man who appreciates her strengths. As an independent woman I do not want a man who thinks it's okay to start every conversation with me about sex. Just because we have our own stuff and making our own money does not by no means, give you the okay to think that all we need or want is sex. what part of dating don't you get. We want to be courted with a purpose.
   While I was driving I was thinking about the people I've met and while they are all very different, they did have some things in common. It's just a shame that the men I respected most for their honesty were the men I met in another state. You have my respect when you travel on Thanksgiving to meet someone in person that you've only spoken to on the phone. That was a fun holiday and we still talk almost every day in one way or another. As I was driving I was also reflecting on my trip to Maryland last summer to meet someone I had only spoken to on the phone, that too was a wonderful and comfortable trip. spending time with a man that I felt like I have known for more than a year. Both men very busy with their lives as I am never once felt ignored nor did they not let me know that I was in their thoughts. Good morning messages almost every day a phone call to say Hi.
    Now when I think about Cleveland and this is not all men just the ones I've met and dealt with. they were nice and the first dates were good, but after that they stopped wanting to date and just jump right into a relationship. I know it's been a while since I've been in a long term relationship, but last time I checked one date does not make a relationship. So as I'm driving I'm wondering to myself will I ever really find that person that is meant for me. Have I gotten so used to being by myself that it doesn't matter anymore. My next career change is my priority, my relocation plans are my priority, school is definitely my priority so I ask is there really a man out there who is ready to support my dreams? I hope so because if there is one thing that I do know is that men and women were not put on this earth to be alone.
   I made that drive alone and although I have traveled by myself making that drive has given me a new since of independence. The only thing I haven't done alone is go out to dinner. I went to the movies which I do often, I will be attending my nephews wedding without a date and attending the Whispers concert alone. I have learned to do a lot by myself over the years because if I wait on someone to go with me I will never get there. So when I ask someone to attend an event with me and I get an answer of maybe or let me see, or they wait until the day comes and have an excuse. Red flag goes up, and I won't ask again.
     I am at peace with my life and I love how I'm living. Yes I would love to spend my time and the rest of my life with someone special who makes me happy and vice versa, but if it doesn't happen I'm okay with that too. I will not sacrifice my wants anymore. These are just some of the things I was reflecting on while making a 7 hour drive to my soon to be next home......

                                                               UNTIL NEXT TIME
                                                                      ME......

TRUE LOVE..... FINALLY REALIZING IT!!!!!

     True love, soul mates forever lover does it really exit? Why do we spend a lifetime searching for something that most of the time was right in front our face.

     September 1977 English class when I asked him when did he know that I was the one for him this is what he tells me. Although at the time I was going with someone else. Now if you ask me my version would go like this. May 1977 he was at home sick, a classmate of mine was liking him at the time. I was still in a relationship with someone so going with her to see him was no problem since we were just friends in the same english class. So me and one of my sisters go with her to see him and just hang out. He's at home alone and doing better. So we all decide that we would get a bottle of wine and just kick it at his house. Since we all didn't need to leave I stayed while they went to the store. We were coming down the stairs of his 3rd floor room and I don't know how or why it happened, I wasn't expecting it but I was in front of him when I turned around he kissed me, and in that moment is when I really felt what butterflies in the stomach felt like. Just one kiss set us on a path of friendship, love, pain, forgiveness, lives and children with other people. We were each others affairs not caring about our partners. Just needing to be with each with no regrets. As Maya Angelou say in a beautiful poem we have loved each other in and out of time. We as people are so afraid of hurt that we let the one who really loves us get away, because we know that one person is the only one who will cause us the most pain.
      We say that great relationships are built on strong friendships, well we have that 36 yrs and everything that has happened in our lives good or bad we've shared with each other. every place he's been stationed I had access to always being able to reach him if needed. When you can pick up on feelings over the phone just from the tone of a conversation you have a real connection. While there are some family and friends who will never understand our love for each other or why it's spanned 36 yrs, it is not for you to understand only that in this life you have to do what makes you happy with who you feel makes you happy. Though I am by far perfect I am a good person and a great friend to those who know me. And for those who know this story and there are a  few people who know this is really the kind of friendship and relationship that great love stories are made of. When I ask myself if something were to happen to me who would really be there to take care of me and only one person comes to mind. After a conversation that we had several weeks ago we have come to the realization that there is no one out here in this dating pool who will love and understand us like we understand each other. Will this work the 2nd time around I think so, we are now willing to put in the time to make it work. Life is too short and we are going to live it to the fullest with what ever time we have left.
      In essence I am saying live your authentic life with the one you love, your life is your life. your relationship is your relationship it does not have to be a carbon copy of what society or anyone else says it has to be. You may have to let go of the negative people around you, but so be it. Love who you want to love, marry who you want to marry.
                                         JUST BE HAPPY......
"If you wait for perfect conditions, you'll never get anything done"
                                                                          LOVE AS ALWAYS,,,,,,
                                                                                     ME

LETTING GO AND MOVING ON............

Sometimes this can be the hardest thing to do. Why do we hang on to freindships and relationships that we know are toxic to our being? I know why because we're afraid of change and we're afraid of being forgotten by the other person so we put up with mess and disrespect. We as women have learn our wealth at an early age. We are so much better than the situations we put ourselves in. Yes you want to love that man but does that man really want to love you? You have to love yourself first, put your needs first and your dreams. You don't have to give up your dreams to support his, and if he does not support yours or even wants too it's time to move on. Do not give your life to a selfish man and that's what it is selfish.

When you learn to let go of the zero's in your life you will find that all kind of opportunities will open for you. It may be a new relationship or a new job, but you will never know as long as you continue to surround yourself with negative people.
People often ask me why I do the things I do and how I got to this place in my life? It wasn't an easy journey but I have to say that I learned to let go of negative people, I took several years off from being in a relationship and a year off from having sex. This showed me that Vanessa you can do this. You can live alone and you can be single and you know what my little voice was right. My last serious relationship ended in 2003, and that was the straw that broke the camels back and made me step back and look at men differently and look at what it was that I wanted from them for me. 9 years! it took 9 years to find that peace. Don't get me wrong my happiness stearted showing itself when I turned 50 and it just got better from there, Yes I missed being in a relationship and having regular sex, but when I looked at the couples around me I  said thank you god that is not me anymore.

Now as I move into the next phase of my life with all of my children doing their own thing and me staying out of their business unless I am asked. Which if anyone knows me now you really don't want to hear it, because I do speak the truth and sometimes the truth does hurt, but you learn from it. I have in the past year helped a few women come to terms with their knowing and embracing their self worth. Preaching  to them as well as my own children about having a plan "B" when plan A doesn't work.I live my life with a plan "B" and it has worked for me.

So my letting go and moving on was letting go of my hair, which I never thought I would do by cutting it and I love it. Yes people were shocked but they liked the change and what's important is that I like it and I feel good. I also had to let go of the thought that some people just don't view long term friendships the same way I do. I have always said that I only have 2 real female friends and they are my real friends I love them alot., but maybe it's different for men when they get a girlfriend They start acting funny and only call when it is convient for them but I don't change my ways toward them if you are a close friend of mine I have always made my new love aware that my best friend is a man and that he knows about him. Last year my eyes were opened to a whole side of him that I knew was there when he meets a new female but I kept overlooking and accepting, not anymore yes I love him he is my friend always will be, been friends for over 35 years.

2013 better me physical and mental building muscles for the summer and I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone and out of my box. Top of my bucket list is to do a nude spread, This is something I have been thinking about for a while and I'm going to do it.
I feel alot of love in the coming months and positive changes with positive people surrounding me.
If you have to reboot your life, change your environment, let go of old friends, family and ex's that do not bring a positive attitude to your space. It's all about you, to change your life you have to change the way you think!

                                                             Til Next Time
              In the words of my friend "this is my story and I'm sticking to it"
                                                                  V

RINGING OUT THE OLD TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE NEW......

2012 What can I say? I have no complaints nor do I have any regrets. The past year was a very productive and happy year for me. I got a chance to meet some very nice people while also finally coming to a realization about the friendship of others.

I have learned this year that I have really grown and changed as I have gotten older. The things that would have set me off so very easily in the past, I have learned to let go of. This year I got a chance to spend more time with my grandchildren. I took the summer off from school to enjoy the summer. althuogh I didn't get a chance to do much traveling I did make one trip happen. I went to meet a man that I absolutely adore. He was everything that I imagined he would be the perfect southern gentleman. My visit with him was as comfortable with him as if we actually lived in the same city. Just an easy breezy weekend.
Well here we are over a year later celebrated one year in November and it's just getting better, although we don't talk everyday because of our schedules it's nothing for either of us to send the other a thoughtful message.
2012 also afforded me the opportunity to meet someone who took a chance and drove to Cleveland to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family. My daughter told me I must be special for someone to travel on Thanksgiving to see me. My response was with a laugh I am! He fit right in with my family and we had a nice time for the 2 days he was here. I can safely say I appreciate that he took time to come see me.
 I never thought I would be okay with  a long distance relationship but it is working right now, because for me absence does make the heart grow fonder. If not for anything else I have 2 great places to visit Chicago and Maryland both are beautiful.
I guess after all these years my cousin was right about dating older men, the conversation is different and they have their own life and success, and it actually gives us something to talk about. The 2 of these guys are very different and it is those diffences that I like, although Maryland is the man that I adore, Chicago understood when I told him that I was seeing someone that lived in another state. I am looking forward to spending time with both of them in 2013, who knows what this year will bring but for me I see positive things happening and continued happiness. The new year started out great I went out for the first time in 9 years, I got a chance to dress up and look cute, and I must say I was looking great, 30 days of squats and they paid off, I got a chance to enjoy the company of a very nice young man who was very attentive.

So like I said at the top of this post 2012 has been good me and I hopt to meet more interesting people and not lose touch with anymore friends that I thought were close. Being in a relationship should not change your friendships with those who have been in your corner when no one else was.
I am wishing everyone a very HAPPY NEW YEAR and much happiness, and may the new year bring each and every one of my friends old and new the love and happiness that you all deserve.

IF LOVE FOUND ME IT WILL SURELY FIND YOU.... LEDESI.....

                                                             TIL NEXT TIME
                                                                      V

LOVING MY LIFE.....

   Good morning world....
I woke up this morning after having the most beautiful dream about a wonderful man. The setting is in Pocono Resort my favorite place to get away to, and now I'm here with a man who makes me feel like I'm the most important woman in his life. Picture this we're staying at the Ceasar's Resort where the rooms are beautiful. As usual the Champagne room is booked for the weekend, not to worry we still have a beautiful room heart shaped jacuzzi tub, round king size bed, and an in suite pool with a steam room. Now you couldn't ask for a better room. skinny dipping in the pool and making love is just like the movies. No work, no worries just the two of us doing what grown people do. Everything about this is what I wanted in a man, he's gentle, kind passionate and has never made me feel like a chirp chirp girl. We go to dinner looking fine as hell, we are seated with a young couple who we had a great time with. Dinner was a success now it's time for some live music, this particular weekend the Temptation are appearing live. We dance the night away slow dancing as he holds me close and whispers in my ear "you are so beautiful" that puts a big smile on face.
The night is winding down and we go back to the room, we're both tired so we put on a CD that we bought with us old school WHISPERS, (my favorite romantic group). Time to fill up the tub bubbles and all candle and nice bottle of wine called RELAX. We relax and get comfortable music playing, conversation is great, the atmosphere is perfect. We dry off lotion each other up and slip into bed holding each other close as he is kissing me gently on my neck, moving to my earlobe and kiss the outside of my lips before giving me the most passionate kiss I've had in such a long time. This man is absolutely everything I ever dreamed of. Well the rest of the night was perfect we touched and rubbed and kissed each other in all the right places, before the actual act of making love which was explosive. WOW I think I love this man, is this real? I pinched myself and yes it was true we were in the Pocono's together. Well the morning comes and there's a knock at the door, what is this breakfast in bed how could I forget that we asked for this since I knew we would not be up in time to have breakfast in the dining room. Perfect start to a sunny day, what to do so many activities, how about golf finally I'm going to learn couldn't ask for a better teacher, well we did all the things that a couple in love would do holding hands, public displays of affection, taking pictures to capture the memories the perfect ending to the perfect weekend.
6:30am this morning I wake up to this message that was sent at 5:34am "I just want u 2kno that I'm so lucky 2 have u n my life! And even more your ability 2 share your luv with me!"
Who could ask for a better way to wake up, having the same thought at almost the same time.
                 YES I AM LOVING MY LIFE AND I HOPE THIS FEELING THAT I HAVE CONTINUES. WE ARE HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.
                                                TIL NEXT TIME I WISH EVERYBODY A HAPPY LIFE...