New Love..........

Okay I know it's been a while since I've written anything, been a little busy with school. Well anyway in the midst of what I call the hurricane katrina of my life these past few months I managed to meet an interesting man on a dating site that I was just about to give up on. This man viewed my profile and from his written profile I found him intresting, as we started talking communicating back and forth he became more fascinating, did I mention there was no picture available so there must have been something very interesting about him got my attention. This man is so very smart and educated, knows how to make me smile with just his words. Now you ask? are you crazy you don't know what he looks like, well he sent me picture upon my request because by now I wanted to see just what this man looked like, and as I suspected he is as charmingly attractive as his conversation and his written words. As the days go by we have talked back and forth almost every day for over a month now. If we don't speak over the phone we're texting to at least let the other know that we are thinking about each other. I get messages in the middle of the night with expressed words of passion, he wants to be there for me in all the ways that are important. He has been my biggest support right now with school and really does care about my success besides my family. All he wants from me is a real relationship with al lot of love of passion, he knows that I am a very sensual woman and I like what I like and yes sex is one of them. He is not intimidated by sexuality or my sensuality. I know that he will be gentle with me and my body is not the only thing he wants from me. Call me crazy but how do you start to fall in love with someone you haven't met in person? I don't know but it's kind of scary and I don't want to throw a wall up and keep him from completely coming in, but I don't want to be hurt by another man. George what a name and for some reason it fits him, I can't wait for the day that we can actually spend some quality time together.
       Did I mention that we live in different states, yes it's true I live in ohio and he lives in maryland. I know that sounds all the way crazy but I think we have the possibilty of making this work or at the very least to give it a try, he's willing and so am I. Although long distance relationships have not worked for me in the past, I think this one has a shot especially since I am relocating to the south when I finish school. Now we'll see if maryland is a possiblity. My plan is to visist him in February and since this is not really that far I am willing to make plans to see him as often as I can and make sure that when I leave him to come home he'll know that I've been there and never want me to leave. Well it's time to cut this short, got to go to work tonight so I've got to start my routine. I am on break form school so I will be back tomorrow, because I can't say enough about this man who makes me smile when I think of him............ Til tomorrow
                                                                             Talk to you soon.............

REAL LOVE..... What is it?

        I thought I knew, I guess I actually thought I had it. I think you only get 1 shot at a true love maybe 2. Jack now that man I loved him because he loved me back, and showed me so much about life, the first man to show me what making love felt like vs. just having sex. We had so much fun together before it all went wrong with the violence. How could someone who loves you try to hurt you like that? He did and I fought back for my children. I think that is when I started changing, but I never gave up on finding real love. I have loved a lot of people each in their own way but the one person who I thought would love me forever let me down again. Is he the man I thought he was all these years? no he's not, he was suppose to be my best friend and has been for 35 years. Where is he now? As soon as I told him what happened the first thing that came out of his mouth was I can move to Texas, what happened to him moving back to cleveland? here we go, i'm suppose to follow him to Texas, I Don't think so. So where is the help, haven't heard from him either.
         Melvin now there was a tall sexy man, we had a special kind of love, we did couple things rides in the country in his mother's corvet, out door concert at cain park, just hanging out. When he got sick and paassed away it was the worst day, I felt it just hours before he died, the aniversary of his death is coming up, it is so hard to believe that he has been gone 11 years. I still have my memories good and bad but the one memory that we all have is our "Melvin Xmas" it was the best. I still miss him and I think about him a lot. He is in a better place and I know he is watching over me and hopefully guiding me in the right direction for a mate..
        Now we come to Jeff he is the closest thing to Melvin this man, what can I say we started out in a very unusal way, he gave me something orally that I had not ever felt before, talk about good yes it was, and then the actual act of having sex holding like fort knox, we have a spark about us  that no one will understand, even after 8 years it's still there. I watched this man that I had fallen in love with marry someone else, continued to have a relationship with him until I stopped it. Now he's divorced and he has said numerous times that we should try and get together, but I was afraid with my in securities and trust issues. I have been through some things with him too that he didn't trust anybody else with. He has a bond with my kids and we can talk about everything.
Well he buried his mother Tuesday and it hurt my heart to see him having to try and be strong for his family, he has to now look out for his father, 51 years that is how long his parents had been married. That is what I always wanted. I don't know if Jeff is the one but right now he is the only man who really gets me. who understands me, and who knows me. He has seen me at my best and my worst. So now I have to be there for him. I am looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend just like the hold days, who knows what is in store for us, all I know is that now I'm ready to find out.
                                                               Til next time.......

Is there something to a birthday?

    I think I can safely say that there is, Yet again I met someone who I thought would have been the right fit for me, we talked for a long time before we ever met, and we seemed to have the same interest, want the same things out of a relationship. Well I was wrong, I did something for him for his birthday and he was really suprised. We had the most intimate night that I have ever experienced without having sex. It was nice, but since then something has changed. I haven't seen him since then, he sent me a message about his aunt passing, and that he was going through something that he was struggling with. He keeps telling me that he wants to talk to me in person but really how hard is it for you to talk when you have someone who is willing to stand by you. It's not unless you were not truthful from the start, I always seem to attract men who say that they want a relationship and that they want a strong black woman, but when it really comes down to it they don't know what they want. I am so tired of hearing you are such a sweet woman, you are very patient person. Yes all of this is true I am all of that and more, it is just a shame that it's usually after the relationship is over and we have gone into friend phase that they realize they messed up. I have so many friends what I need now is a life partner someone I can spend my life with and do the things couples do. September I don't want to date another man who's birthday is between the 1st and 15th, it does not work for me, this has been more than 3 strikes. I do not need one more person telling me they have issues that they have to work through, as a friend I can help but as a girlfriend and someone that you wanted to meet that is asking too much. Men really do need to fix and figure out what they want and be totally honest when they approach a female that they think may be their life partner. We deserve the truth whatever it is.

                                                                          Til next time......

Words: What you say can destroy a relationship......

What do I mean by that? Well recently someone that I was talking to statrted acting very strange, so i'm asking myself what's going on? Call were few and in between, text messages stopped coming as often as they were. So one day this person sends me a message about his kids and the fact that he thought we were moving to fast. I don't know how fast he actually thought we were going since my schedule is so hectic.Anyway he prceded to tell me that he wanted to reconnect with his kids and try and build a relationship with them. I don't have a problem with anyone being with their children I have kids and although they are all adults we do spend alot of time togeher. To continue he also thought I wanted him to spend all his time with me, not! I like to spend time with my man but I do not need all of your time, I need for them to have their own life but still make me a priority. Now here is where the wrong words came in, he asked me to be a good friend and just be patient. Okay that's what he got I have no problem being your friend but you need to know that friends don't get as much attention as boyfriends do. So when I stopped calling and texting or even responding to his Facebook post he then realized that what he said may have been the wrong words. With me yes they are and i'm sure with anyone else they would feel the same way. When you tell me all you want is a good friend that is what you're going to get. But you need to know that I do not sleep with my friends. So the next time you are feeling a little overwehelmed in your relaionship whether it be a new one or you've been togeher for a while be careful with the words you use, think before you speak.

                                                 Talk to you soon.........

DATING IN 2011

Can somebody please tell me when did dating get to be so darn hard? When you're in your in you're 20's, 30's it seem so easy and comfortable. Now it feels like work, I used to wonder why men and women over 45 and especially over 50 are single. Even at this age people still don't know what they want, men say they want a strong black women and as women we say we want a good man. What does that mean a good man? Maybe I'm living in a different world but I really believe that there is still some decent men in the world. Most women want a man who will be a good provider and when you're over 50 that is basically someone who is now just ready to share their lives with some one who shares the same values. In my case someone who has old school values when it comes to dating. Walks in the park, picnics, dinners for 2, date nights yet still be able to know when that person needs some alone time to give it to them, without feeling shut out. Dating never felt this hard before. I look around at some of the married couples that I know who have been married for over 20 plus years and wonder to myself, what is the secret? They say there is someone for everyone, but have you ever wondered if you've met your somebody already and let them pass you by? Sometimes I do, and then I wonder if we only get 1 chance at a true love. Right now I am just thankful for my friends male and female. If anyone can tell me the secret to successful dating in 2011 I would love to hear your comments.
                                                                                     TALK TO YOU SOON

MEN DON'T HEAL THEY HOLD............

          I heard this on Micheal Baisdens show and it was a topic we all know to well. The art of forgiveness, why do men find it hard to forgive their wives or girlfriends when they cheat? I'm not really sure i beleive it is a matter of "somebody been in my sh.t" they start to feel like you have found some one better. Well on this particular show one man called in and commented that he could frogive a sexual affair but when women emotionally cheat he said he would have to let it go. How do you compete with emotional infidelity? The feelings are already gone, but for most women that is where the sexual affair start with the emotional affair. When women step out on a relationship it is usually because something is missing at home emotionally, he stopped saying i love you, you stop holding hands or you simply just start taking each other for granted.
         While most relationship can be worked out if both parties are willing to work on it and learn to forgive.
This also goes for women too, because we find it hard to forgive on any level sexual emotional it doesn't matter, because for me my mind goes to i know what he does with me so is he doing the same thing with her. That is the only thought you need, because from that point on you will always look at him and think "where have your lips been? don't kiss me". I speak from experience as someone who didn't feel the love at one time and it really did start with a friend who started listening to my problems and then as the cliche goes one thing led to another. Which relationship it was will go to my grave with me, and i have been on the other side too, had to let go of a relationship due to finding out about and confirming cheating. I may be wrong but cheating is something i can not live with, not now and not anymore. Living right these days and it feels good. Telling your partner what you need emotionally and sexually which ever area is suffering will save your relationship. Trust me they want to know, so men tell your woman you love her, call her during the day just to see how she's doing, send her flowers just because, start a date night, take walks go back to the courting days of your relationship. And women accept and receive these things that some of your men are trying to do for you, don't shut them down, FYI  this works for both parties........ WISHING EVERYBODY IN TROUBLED RELATIONSHIPS THE BEST, AND FOR THOSE THAT ARE MAKING IT WORK I'M HAPPY FOR YOU.Maybe you can share some of your tips to a happy and long lasting relationship.........

COMMUNIATION..... THE KEY TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP

         Communication! Yes it is the most important part of a relationship, especially a new relationship. Why do I speak on this because it almost ended one that i'm in now. A misunderstanding and anger on both of our parts. We talked because i decided that we should talk in person and not through texting or on facebook. And yes facebook can ruin a relationship because we as humans will take something we read to the next level and it may not even be about us. That is what I did, a simple misunderstanding turned into a fight and on his part not answering a phone automatically went to she must be doing something. So before anything could be said that we could not take back, we talked and like adults and worked it out. I don't know how long this will last but for now this realationship is what we both want. So to everyone in new relationships or a relationship that you've been in for awhile. Remember this don't ever stop talking to each other, learn how to talk to each other and not at each other. Silence will kill your relationship and so will jumping to conclusion. Texting and facebook is not the place for relationship problems.... Give your mate a hug and show them some TLC tonight, you will be surprised how far that will go in making up.... Welcome all comments and stories as always. In the mean time enjoy my writings........

BLACK CLOUDS

       Well today i'm feeling a little down and, feeling like there is definitely a black cloud hanging over my head. Just when you think everything is going good here comes bad luck to knock you back 5 steps. I can not not believe what has been happening to me the past couple of days. How do you get stopped by the police twice on the same street in the same city, just minutes away from home. So you know now i 'm feeling like my car is jinxed. It is time to get another one and as soon as i get my license straightened out i will be buying another car. I don't feel comfortable with it anymore. So for now all i can do is pray on it and put it in gods hands, it has always helped me through some of the worst moments in my life. Lord i know everything we go through is for a reason, but what is this? I always try to do the right thing, and i try to live right. Give me the strength to get through this..... I am hoping this works it self out soon.......

Set In Our Ways....

       Have we become so comfortable in our space that we can't share? I ask myself that same question every day. I haven't lived with a man in over 13 yrs. Sure i've dated and they've spent the night, but they didn't move in. When i think about living with some one again i get nervous and i ask myself. Do you want to give up your closet space? Do you want to give up drawer space? I don't know, Iwould love to have someone to come home to everyday, someone to just kick it around the house with. I Met someone who I like alot and we have a lot of fun when we are together. To see him leave as soon as he is gone i start to miss him, and unlike the other men i met this year he takes the time out of his day to call just to see what i'm doing or how i'm doing. So to answer that question i don't know if i'm ready for that yet, and unless the conversation comes up we'll just continue to enjoy our new and very fun relationship. As Micheal Baisden said today on his show..... Loving someone and living with them is two different thing.....

36th birthday: A beautiful love story

       How do i start? We met at work in what used to be the coffee room, a tall dark and beautifully sexy man. The first thing i noticed was his tattoos on his arms. I love a  man with tattos, and then it was the body nice and slim, muscular for his size, and he was taller i am so that definitely was a plus. He was drinking orange tea and had asked me to try it. So i did and to this date it is my favorite tea. Well we sat down and talked for a minute before he started his shift and i was getting ready to leave. He was so easy to talk to we talked about everything including the fact that he was suppose to be engaged to this girl who had started working there with him. I don't think at that time i was interested in like that because i tried to respect his relationship with her. This girl must have really loved him because she went all out for valentines day which was sweet.
        Well i don't have to tell you what happens next. We contiued to meet in the coffee room for orange tea and you know what i was always looking forward to it. He was so easy to talk to and not bad on the eyes. I'm not sure who i was talking to at that time but i do know i was making plans for my birthday, and the decision was between two guys MT being one of them, and anyone who knew me then knew i love challenges from men. Well needless to say the other person who was suppose to spend the day with me couldn't so i called MT, and he was happy to i think i really wanted to spend the evening with him anyway. Well i picked him up the kids were gone for the night. Here we are alone in my apt. the night started out with a bubble bath for two and candles talk about romantic, this man had a body like a male model, nice chest, small waist muscles where they needed to be and hung just right (small frame men have big penis). I don't have to say what happened next it was a beautifully sexy and one of the most romantic sexual experiences i have had. This man swept me up in his arms and made love to me that was undescribable. Wow still brings a smile to my face. During all of this why was there a snow storm. We stayed in for a while eating birthday cake wrapped in his arms covered in a blanket on the couch. Hadn't felt that good in along time. We did go out in the storm to my best friends house to celebrate, from this day on we were together. He had broken up with the girlfriend moved in, like all couples we had our good days and bad, with him is where i learned that every relationship needs a date day. and we had one Sunday was our day for us, from just chillin in the bed to jazz concerts in the park to just simply taking long rides in his mothers corvet. Yes this man was the love of my life at that time until his death in 2000. I still think about him alot i have the photo album he gave me with his pictures his love letters to me and a very special hand made card. What a story i could go on because there is so much to say. It will be contiued in another story. This was a special love story that still puts a smile on my face, i can still hear him calling me sweet pea.. the one and only person who can and has called me that... tell me your story i have more........

Dating: How do you start over after 1 year of celebacy?

        I asked myself that very question at the beginning of this new year. In the past it was always easy because i just saw what i liked most of the time and i made it happen, now it just seems as though these men have stepped back in the past. I was seeing someone for all of maybe 3 weeks and that's a stretch who had the nerve to light weight call me a gold digger. Are you really serious, because he bought me a couple of notebooks for school and 2 meals. I don't think so that is why i work i make my own money.
      Anyone who knows me know that somebody else money and stuff does not impress me at all. I look at the character of a person. Right now i am seeing a young man and yes he is younger than i am, who makes me laugh, who wants to know if i made it home when i leave him. Someone who takes time out of his work day to send me a message. This man is special just kicking it around the house is cool. He makes me laugh and he enjoys doing the things i like and does not try to distract me form school. I think i'll keep this one for a while and looking forward to a fun filled summer......Tell me about your dating experience...

MUSIC.... EVERY GREAT LOVE STORY HAS A SONG

        Have you ever been in your car or just listening to a song on the radio and it instantly takes you back to the very moment you first heard it or the person you were with? Well it happens quite often, i'm ususally in my car on my way to work. And I'll hear Lionel Richie: Three times a lady, and Still. and i'm back in Germany 19 yrs old in love and pregnant. This was the man who opened my eyes to a whole new world of sex. Man when i tell you he taught me some things that we at that time only thought white people did, wrong, wrong, wrong. It's not a white thing it's a pleasing my woman thing, and he did. At that time my whole world was him but having a baby so far away from home and scared i decided to leave the army and the day before i left we all went to the club on base and they played three times a lady that he sang to me that night. It was a very emotional night because i just knew that i would never see him again. To this day despite how the relationship ended that song still brings good memories of my time in germany.
         Heatwave: Always and forever now this is a song that will live on forever, high school do those relationships ever really last? I used to think so, but now i know sometimes you just out grow each other. What i thought was going to be my happily ever after didn't last, but that's another chapter on heartache and heart break. This song has always been associated with that time of my life and someone we'll call A. Off in the service doing whatever young service men do , i'm at home waiting for him to call or write or even come home. Long distance relationships i found out the hard way does not work for me. We both did some things to destroy our relationship, we didn't know how to trust and i know i didn't because i always thought he was seeing other people although he did try to make time for me but it just wasn't enough. So after years of going back and forth both of us marrying other people raising a family, and seeing other people we tried but the distance is still the problem. And then to we are different people, i have changed so much over the past 20 plus years, and music has played a part of it. I have music for new love, old loves, break ups, make up, and inspirational get your mind and your life right music.. Need a song for this phase of my life and i thlnk i found it. Marvin Winans: YOU JUST DON'T WANNA KNOW... is now my favorite song.. check it out, and of course Mary J Blige has pulled many of us women through our drama and made us stronger......... Next time you hear a song on the radio think back to the time when you were happy maybe sad but everything you hear will probably have a memory attached to it.... This is another chapter in my life.........

Loves first kiss......

        Do you still believe in love at first site? Do you believe in loves first kiss? or that everyone has a soul mate? According to the movie ENCHANTED there is a loves first kiss. I myself do believe that because it happened to me at 17. I didn't expect it wasn't even looking for it because i had already had a boyfriend at the time. A friend of mine had been liking this guy in our english class, he wasn't anything special just an average person. He used to come to class and sleep most of the time at the beginning of the school year. So you see he wasn't spectactular until right after christmas break he wasn't in class. So of course you want to know what happened? Come to find out he had gotten expelled from school. Well when he returned we became friends during class, it was him and 3 other boys from his welding class who were in our english class. Yes i helped him and his friends pass english, ( he might say something different). Anyway there was this girl in my vocational class who was really liking him. So every chance she got to see him she wanted someone to go with her. We would go to his welding class while i went to see my boyfriend in auto body shop. This continued for a while until the boy she was liking got sick and had been out of class for a while. So we dicided one day to go visit him at home, me and my sister went with her to his house. So we're kicking it on the 3rd floor of his house and just having a really nice time. So we decided that we wanted something to drink ok back then it was night train, md 20 20 you old school followers will know what i'm talking about. This girl and my sister had decided that they would go to the store and i stayed at the house. Who would have thought that day and that moment would change th lives of 2 people forever, We were walking down the stairs from the 3rd floor after everyone else. I don't know for sure if something was said to make me turn around or what but it was that moment that he kissed me and i returned the kiss and for the first time i knew what weak at the knees and that buttefly feeling you get in your stomach when you like someone, well it happened at that very moment. We went from just being friends to something else in an instant, it just happened and the rest is history expanding over 30 years he is to this day my best friend and my oldest friend. The butterfly feeling lasted for many years, i would still have the same feeling everytime he came home from the service. So if you ask me about loves first kiss yes i do believe that, it happened to me and i know it has happened to someone else. Although i have had many loves that kiss is as fresh in my memory as if it happened yesterday....... Feel free to coment or even share your story...... Next post: heart break have you broken someone's heart or had your heart broken?

Sex: When Was Your First Time?

       Now this is funny because my first time was with a guy who didn't know that he was my first. I was 16 years old going through some things as 16 year olds do. I was still trying to create an indentity for myself. Well anyway this boy who was very popular at Shaw High saw me coming home from school one day and started flirting with me, so i was like ok he must like me, and for me at that time was cool because remember at that time and for a long time i never thought i was cute or that i would ever have a boyfriend. So yes when he invited me to his house i lied about where i was going and i went over his house. Here we are in the basement rec room as we called them back then. It started with kissing and touching which led to rubbing that spot and then it happened. To tell you the truth i don't ever remember being in pain or the act itself hurting, maybe that's why he thought i had done that before. Well it set the sexual awareness up in me because sex with him occurred several times after that, and believe it or not as much and as good as sex was for me at that time he was the only boy that i was having sex with at that time, and he wasn't even my boyfriend. Not sure how it stopped but it did and i didn't have any sexual contact with another boy my age until i turned 17, until i was working my new found sex appeal on this older guy who was with this woman who at that time i didn't think he should have been with, he was 26 and she was older, and i was 16 so you know what happened next. Yes a bet was made that i could pull him away from this older lady and i did, we spent a lot of stolen moments having sex anywhere we could and it was good. I thought he was the coolest the man in the world, and guess what he was artistist also, thin and tall I know for sure now that i had a prefernce even then for small framed men, and i discovered that i had what men wanted and that was my sexuality. It was oozing all over the place, i did alot of kissing but even then i never had sex with a lot of guys especially with boys i went to school with. Never had a reputation people in school just thought i was very quiet and i was. My life has always been very private, many boys had tried to get the booty but it wasn't happening. Memories, man do i have some good ones. My first time, believe it or not i have since run into this guy at the gas station and Walmart several times and even though i didn't remember him at our first reunion he reminded me of the first time we had sex and then the memories came back. Now you know for a man to rmemember having sex at 16 has to say something about you. I got my swag and it only got better over the years. What was your first time like?

First Love

Wow how do i start? My first love was actually in the 6th grade, this boy was the cutest guy in the class. Our teacher was Mr Hill, i sat in the row behind him. He was tall thin not real dark, but very cute for a 6th grader. I don't know what it was i just really felt like he was my boyfriend. As all kids do his name was all over my notebooks, me and my sister would walk up street or hang out at the playground hoping that he would show up. Yes Charles H Lake was the spot after school. Playing 4 corners, having swinging contest to see who could swing the highest and then jump out. Anyway this boy who we will name W.S. very artistic, we were guards together which at that time made you important. Throughout our 6th grade years we went back and forth as kids do who try to act like they don't like each other. Well for me on our graduation day i felt like our realtionship was solidified because it was then that i got my first real on the lips kiss. (not french kissing).
Well needless to say life went on we went to Empire Jr High summer school and worked together on a little summer paper, which is where i do believe my love for math started, it was some kind of math contest. Well i moved away to EC, Where life as i knew it changed forever. So there went my first love and although i've had many loves over the years. I will never forget this young man because he made a skinny girl at that time feel like somebody could and would like me. I had later found out years later from his cousin that he had passed away. We didn't keep in touch and i never saw him again once i moved, but he is a special part of who i am today. Do you have a first love? I would to hear your story.

Mixing Sex With Friendships

First blog for this new site. Lets here what you have to say. Is it ever okay to have sex with your friends? Iwould say yes but that's one of thoses questions that has a gray area. some one once told that the only reason we didn't kick it was because he didn't want to mess up a good friendship.
       I Now know what he meant, once you have crossed that line it's hard to look at them the same way. Either you're going to want to keep the relationship going or one of you will feel like you didn't measure up to the fantasy. Either way it really shouldn't affect your friendship if you were really friends to begin with. I have quite a few friends of the opposite sex have I had sex with all of them no. Have I fantasized about some of them? yes i have. Have you seen my friends? Although I may have crossed the line with some of them we have remained friends, and for some of them it will be a pleasant secret that we will take to our grave. Now I am asking you guys: HAVE YOU EVER CROSSED THAT LINE OF SEX WITH YOUR FRIEND AND DESTROYED THE FRIENDSHIP? DO YOU REGRET THE CHOICE YOU MADE? Tell me your story.

EMPTY NESTYING

                One more day and my youngest child will be leaving the nest. How do I feel about this I don't know. It still seems kind of crazy because she is so young, but the other two were the same age when they left home. She got her driver license yesterday now I guess that makes her offically a grown up. I do know one thing I hope she is still available to do my IT work for me. HA HA. She did show me how to log on to other blogs. which one of them is hers. beautifullytwisted.blogspot.com, she does poetry. Another site that I know i will be following will be http://www.rnbmusicblog.com/. Can not really think of another site to follow, but I do want to start a relationship blog. So I will see you soon as soon as i get a chance to set this up the way I really want it to look.

Todays Weather

What is going on with the weather? I don't know, but i do this i am tired of this cold weather. I am so ready for my vacation. I will be taking a break for the memorial day holiday weekend. i can't wait to bar-b-que and spend some time with my best friend who will soon be moving back to cleveland. We are also taking another trip to the poconos. so I really need for summer to come now.