I thought I knew, I guess I actually thought I had it. I think you only get 1 shot at a true love maybe 2. Jack now that man I loved him because he loved me back, and showed me so much about life, the first man to show me what making love felt like vs. just having sex. We had so much fun together before it all went wrong with the violence. How could someone who loves you try to hurt you like that? He did and I fought back for my children. I think that is when I started changing, but I never gave up on finding real love. I have loved a lot of people each in their own way but the one person who I thought would love me forever let me down again. Is he the man I thought he was all these years? no he's not, he was suppose to be my best friend and has been for 35 years. Where is he now? As soon as I told him what happened the first thing that came out of his mouth was I can move to Texas, what happened to him moving back to cleveland? here we go, i'm suppose to follow him to Texas, I Don't think so. So where is the help, haven't heard from him either.
Melvin now there was a tall sexy man, we had a special kind of love, we did couple things rides in the country in his mother's corvet, out door concert at cain park, just hanging out. When he got sick and paassed away it was the worst day, I felt it just hours before he died, the aniversary of his death is coming up, it is so hard to believe that he has been gone 11 years. I still have my memories good and bad but the one memory that we all have is our "Melvin Xmas" it was the best. I still miss him and I think about him a lot. He is in a better place and I know he is watching over me and hopefully guiding me in the right direction for a mate..
Now we come to Jeff he is the closest thing to Melvin this man, what can I say we started out in a very unusal way, he gave me something orally that I had not ever felt before, talk about good yes it was, and then the actual act of having sex holding like fort knox, we have a spark about us that no one will understand, even after 8 years it's still there. I watched this man that I had fallen in love with marry someone else, continued to have a relationship with him until I stopped it. Now he's divorced and he has said numerous times that we should try and get together, but I was afraid with my in securities and trust issues. I have been through some things with him too that he didn't trust anybody else with. He has a bond with my kids and we can talk about everything.
Well he buried his mother Tuesday and it hurt my heart to see him having to try and be strong for his family, he has to now look out for his father, 51 years that is how long his parents had been married. That is what I always wanted. I don't know if Jeff is the one but right now he is the only man who really gets me. who understands me, and who knows me. He has seen me at my best and my worst. So now I have to be there for him. I am looking forward to spending some time with him this weekend just like the hold days, who knows what is in store for us, all I know is that now I'm ready to find out.
Til next time.......
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